So, let's get this straight.
Hunter, while living in California, decides to fly 3,000 miles to Delaware. All to drop off a water damaged laptop for repair, coincidentally at a huge MAGA fan shop for $85. He then decided to never pick up his own laptop.
There’s security footage of it, but it got lost. Epstein style. But don’t worry- the MAGA man swears he saw him drop it off. Turns out he has a condition where he CANNOT RECOGNIZE FACES (I’m not joking), and is also partially blind; he knew it was Hunter's though, cause of the stickers on the laptop...
MAGA man, naturally, didn’t just erase and resell the laptop, but did the totally normal, and illegal thing of duplicating the hard drive and spending hours sorting through thousands of emails to find one that suggests Hunter might’ve tried to arrange a meeting with daddy Biden. No evidence any meeting ever occurred, but who cares.
In comes Rudy Giuliani, cyber security expert, and talking set of teeth -who was tricked by Borat, and periodically butt dials reporters on accident -he has ‘confirmed’ the info not even the FBI could. Rudy was so worried about the intel, he sat on the laptop for months until 3 weeks before the election. Also, when Giuliani had the laptop, the Republican-led Senate was investigating Biden. It was the opportune time to hand the Senate all the evidence the they needed to convict. Yet, instead, he held the laptop in secret.
Naturally, it proves Hunter was into pedo devil sex too, but the proof is secret and for Rudy’s eyes only. There’s a video of said drug fueled sexcapades, but again, you just gotta trust Rudy. Ignoring the fact that if said hard drive contains pedo devil sex, Rudy is legally required to turn over the hard drive immediately to the FBI... and he hasn't. Oh, and he's also distributed said videos to other people, so they could 'verify' said material, so he's also a kiddy porn distributor as well.
Rudy refuses to send any electronic proof of the emails to anyone. But it’s definitely real, and definitely exists. Again - not a single news agency has actually seen any proof, except for photos of printed emails, hence why NO CREDIBLE MEDIA OUTLET WILL TAKE OR IS COVERING THE STORY.
He was ‘confirming’ it the same time Trump received an intel briefing that Rudy was unknowingly being used by Russian operatives to spread disinformation.
Rudy, tired of getting made fun of, tweets some more ‘source material’ text messages... except the text is in an app that didn’t exist at the time it supposedly happened, the phone is somehow a Blackberry running iOS, and...literally in Russia. Poor guy.
This was all also investigated by a real Post reporter who refused to put their name on it, as no part of it could be verified. Several news outlets also passed on the story for the same reason, including Fox News and WSJ. Ended up written by Sean Hannity’s ex-producer.
Now comes a guy named Bobulinski - alleging he, uhh met with Biden to discuss a Chinese business deal. He has proof, of course: ‘documents’ he says. Naturally, he actually hasn’t released anything. He's also being sued by in California because he owes over half a million dollars to a Chinese company because he tried to sue them in the Cayman Islands. The judge in the Cayman Islands found he was full of shit and issued an order to make him pay up instead.
The WSJ opinion section finally publishes a Bobulinkski piece. Note: opinion section, not news, as they still couldn’t verify anything. It alleges the above Chinese deal. They very next day, the WSJ news section refutes the entire thing, using Bobulinksi’s own source material.
Here comes Tucker Carlson. He is about to release a bombshell. All the emails. Proving everything. Unfortunately, these apparently only existed as single physical copies. The emails. Electronic mails. Only existed as one physical copy. (Got that?). Sadly, these printed non-electronic emails were lost (stolen!) in the mail, and no one ever made a copy.
Next up is Martin Aspen, Swiss intelligence operative. He is the basis for many of these allegations and brought it public in a dossier that the PRESIDENT received.. it turns out he is not real. Literally, they made his face on a face generator and gave him a cute LinkedIn profile at a fake company.
Eventually, the courier finds the documents, and all the sudden, Tucker Carlson suddenly goes on TV and says they need to lay off Hunter Biden.
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